"I'm not good with numbers"

Drama, it's a killer. People have nothing better to do that sit around and stare at each other, that is until they can't stand the sight of each other anymore, then there's drama.

Picture this... it's you, your baby's momma/daddy, and 2 other screaming/baggy diapered kids. Nothing to watch on TV because you didn't pay the cable bill. You could do laundry, but nah, that would mean going from room to room picking up the piles of clothes. Oh, and I like this, "Sorry the house is a mess, we're getting ready to move". Even if you did pick up the clothes, then you'd have to pick through em to sort out the beer cans/cigarette butts/Ho Ho wrappers.

I was at this apt. the other day, at 3am, and this is what this guy decided to do. He had a seizure. There are different kinds of seizures, petite mal, grand mal... seizures that last a few seconds to seizures that can last minutes and repeat several times. That's a bad thing. During a bad seizure you don't breathe well and you become hypoxic. During a seizure you have no purposeful movement, no reflex. You could aspirate, even cause brain damage.

So this poor guy had a seizure. His poor girl friend/baby's momma/significant other, who he's been arguing with all night, calls 911 because she's so worried. And here we come to save the day.

We get there and this guy's laying in bed, unconscious. We try to get him to respond, but he's out like a light, or so he wants us/her to think. You see, like I said before, if you're truly out, you have no reflexive movements. If someone raises your hand above your face, then drops it, you'll smack yourself in the face. This guys hand fell off to the side. If you're truly out, and someone brushes your eyelashes, there's no response. This guys eyes fluttered, he can't help it, it's involuntary. We used to do sternal rubs. That's when you rub your knuckles hard on a persons sternum. Hurts like the dickens. When we didn't do a sternal rub on this guy, he suddenly became conscious again, and pissed. Another little fact about seizures is that after one, you have a post-ichtal phase. You're tired, your brain is tired, and it's probably still a little hypoxic. People tend to be aggravated at this time because you can ask them questions and they don't understand, or they do understand but they can't form answers. This guy went from 0 to 60 in no time flat.

So, needless to say, being the observant type medics we are, we quickly determined he is faking. And that's when my job gets fun.
I figure that if you call me out at 3 in the morning, for nothing, I get to have my way with you.
What's your name?
"John Doe"
Do you know where you are right now?
"Yes"
Where?
"Home"
What's the address?
"### Some DR., Apt###"
Why are you faking a seizure?
"Fu*k you, I'm not faking."
So we explained that this isn't the first time we've ever been on a seizure, we're not new medics, and we know he didn't really have a seizure. We explained about hypoxia, post-ichtal phases and such...
So why are you faking? Fighting with your girlfriend?
"Man, I'm not faking.. I have seizures sometimes."
Been seen by a Dr. for your seizures?
"Yes"
Take any meds?
"No, he said they weren't that bad..."
What's you're SS#?
Now, since he's full of new information, he's suddenly post-ichtal....
"I can't remember right now... give me a minute"
We give him a minute...
Can you tell me your SS# yet?
"Hold on, I'm not good with numbers"
So by this time, we've had enough. He doesn't need to go to the hospital, and I'm tired of being in his dirty little apartment.
Not good with numbers huh? I don't need you to add em all together. I just need your SS# for my report. My report that says that you've faked a seizure, and you're not going to the hospital.
I didn't think you were good with numbers because if you were you'd be an engineer, have a job, and not call me out here at 3 in the morning for a little drama in your boring life.
Oh, and I need you to sign this refusal form....